It's been months since I posted here! I haven't had too much to say. A few months ago, I believe in December, I got a promising request from a publisher to see the full manuscript of my first book, MIXED FEELINGS. I was excited and terrified.
The publisher was incredibly nice when she rejected me, not just in tone, but also in how helpful and honest she was in her critiques. Really, everything she said I had feared as true before even sending the book out. All the issues she mentioned were things I'd seen in the work, but hoped to be just me over critiquing myself. She suggested I take some time to craft the book better and resubmit after it's done.
I was crushed! Not really because of the rejection, but mainly because of my own battle with shame. I went through a few weeks where I beat myself up and questioned my writing because I felt so gross for sending out a manuscript I knew was sub par. I spent awhile feeling guilty and stupid for wasting all the agents and publishers who had rejected the first draft of MIXED FEELINGS. Why had I sent them something I knew wasn't worth publishing? What a terrible waste of my time as well!
It was a pretty bad few weeks.
Well, sometime in mid-January I decided I needed to actually get to the rewrites and prove that I was better than that first draft. I originally planned to hunker down and dissect the first draft, rearranging large chunks from it and adding in only small changes here and there to make it make sense. Then I decided I wouldn't even look at the first draft, that I'd just rewrite the whole book from scratch. What I ended up with in the six days it took me to get out the new MIXED FEELINGS is a mix of the two. It's heavy with entirely new work cut with chunks of the old repositioned and re-worded to make everything much better than what I had written the first time.
This week I'm going to read it over once more as a whole to make sure it all makes sense and is as clean as possible in terms of typos and grammar and then send it back to the publisher to see what the editor thinks. Hopefully all works out well!