Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Fantasy Halloween Bash: Part 3 - Cocktails


Yeah, now I've got your attention, haven't I? You weren't even reading the other posts. You didn't EVEN SEE the digs at your mom that I slipped in there. You sicken me. Your mother deserves what I said about her for having you.

Luckily, we can both get drunk and forget about this embarrassing interaction.

As we established in the last two posts, all your friends are idiots, Craig's a creep, Deloris won't shut up about Johnathan Taylor Thomas, and you keep getting spam emails from a bat pretending to be a human who wants to sell you tax software.

This party is a mess.


I mean, you look great, your house is all decked out, and that bat is offering a really good deal on Tax Executive: Executive of Taxes, but you're still going to need to get sheet-faced to really enjoy yourself. Grab a flask, fill it to the brim with your favorite booze, keep it on your person, and let liquid courage guide you through every one of Deloris' weird dream stories where she describes some sort of strange fetish that makes you want to wash your ears out with bleach.

Now that you've hidden all the mops and wisely decided NOT to bring out the Karaoke machine lest Chet announce he wants to perform his all Welsh-accented rendition of Rocket Man, you're ready to serve some booze!

I think most any cocktail could be made spooky if you just slap a Halloweeny name on it. Just call that vodka in your flask "Ghost pee" or something. Even chugging straight liquor is acceptable when you give it a cutesy nickname.

Candy corn cocktail

For realsies, though, we're planning a party, so we're gonna take this more seriously. You can still chug Ghost Pee until you're tripping over all the fake pumpkins in your walk-in humidor, but for your guests we want something fancy, like a candy corn cocktail, a Raven cocktail, or Vampire's Dream. NO, Deloris, just because you're dressed as a sexy Nosferatu doesn't mean this is about you.

Apple Cider Margarita

You could even load your flask up with some of these tasty libations once you run out of Ghost Pee. It might be tough to pour all that booze into the tiny flask when you're pumpkin-tripping drunk, though, so you might want to stick to actual cups. Any sort of cups will do, but I'd stay away from using glass. Chet's going to find some excuse to do his terrible Welsh accent and you just know that Polly's gonna suck down too many Ravens and look for something to break over his head.

Black Widow cocktail

Things are getting weird, but it's probably your fault for serving alcohol first thing. You should have lined everyone's stomachs with snacks before shoving drink after drink in their hands. You go clean up the mess Polly's made (as tempting as it is, DON'T ask Deloris to help you mop it up), and I'll see you back here tomorrow to talk about party food and fun.

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