Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Fantasy Halloween Bash: Part 4 - Party!

Horrific by Einen on DeviantArt

Craig's sexy couch costume is falling apart, Polly's trying to feed her fishnet stalkings to the cat (who won't cop to being the one responsible for the rips in Craig's costume), and Chet's moved from Welsh to Turkish in what he's calling his "Accent Bonanza." You need to get some food into these people before the cat chokes on cheap polyester.

Really, any food. You could probably feed them stuffing from Chet's sexy President Taft costume and it would help soak up the alcohol and maybe get Craig to stop crying and trying to call his ex in Antarctica. To keep yourself safe from lawsuits, though, I've compiled some food that won't choke your guests into unconsciousness.

Though, we all know some of them deserve it. DELORIS.

Party food!

Fruit's a good, healthy snack, easy to throw together (or throw at Polly if she starts heading toward the cat again), and has the bonus of being made of sugar. Halloween is all about sugar! And terrible parties, I guess. You could also take any 'spooky' colored fruit and use some cookie cutters to shape it into bats or cats or ghosts. Pineapple, orange wedges, and sliced bananas could be laid out in a candy-corn shape, that would be cute. Honeydew is green, I think, that's spooky. You could conceivably use old fruit that's turned a spooky color but I wouldn't recommend it.

Ghost bananas and pumpkin tangerines

Okay, that's enough fruit. Let's get to the really good stuff: ACTUAL sugar. There are plenty of etsy stores will sell you pumpkin-shaped sugar cubes if you're determined to chew straight sugar or if you want to festively sweeten up the coffee you're going to have to get into your guests before they can drive home. (Don't let them drive home.)

5-ingredient pumpkin pie fudge (vegan)

(Actually, don't let them spend the night, either. Who knows what damage Polly will do or who will hook up with whom. I think we can be sure Deloris isn't going to be stripping down to her skivvies for anyone but Randy Taylor [googling that did NOT give me the results I was expecting], but Chet gets handsy when he's been drinking and he's been staring a little too long at Craig's plump, perfectly rounded armrests.)

Mini caramel apples made with a melon baller

I think it's time to wind this party down. Someone gave that dubious bat your home number, someone (else?) replaced the cute cut-outs in the window with some very offensive word shapes, and it seems the cat's holding Chet hostage in the humidor. We need to start ushering these people out of the house before the bat gets hold of your credit card numbers.

The easiest way to get people to do what you want (besides mind control! They still haven't invented that. Damn scientists can get Matt Damon off Mars, but they can't give you the power to throw decent Halloween party.) is to bribe them. Luckily, you thought ahead and made up goody bags!

Favor bags at LilBlueBoo.com

Lord knows none of these people deserve the carefully crafted bags you put together containing plastic spiders, packs of all orange jelly beans, mini-sticky notes with pictures of bats on them, and stickers, but if it gets them to leave without putting up a fight, you've got to ignore the ethics of it and just fork them over.

Paper treat tube by papervinenz on blogspot

If you're feeling really bitter about how things have gone, you could just empty out the favor packs and re-stuff them with something you've got lying around the house but that you don't really want. Old treats the cat wouldn't eat, or after dinner mints you keep around specifically for when Craig comes to visit, maybe. That man needs a really strong hint about his halitosis, after all.

We've got just one day left in the Fantasy Halloween bash planning parade! (It's not really a parade, but I wanted some alliteration in there.) You clean up some of this mess and feed the cat some real food and we'll meet back here tomorrow.

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