What's it mean to be ugly?

What’s it mean to be ugly? I’m sure you know, if you're ugly yourself, but sometimes it helps to put things into words, even if just so you can explain to others so they’ll shut up and stop spouting motivational quotes or “helpful” life tips.

Hairstyle Resist by Alida Boari
Hairstyle Resist by Alida Boari on 500px [x]

Being ugly can be so many things, can end in so many different scenarios, and can hurt in so many ways. It can be as simple as being ignored by your preferred gender or it can be as painful as being openly mocked and made the butt of cruel jokes. It can be a constant stream of insults and sneers or it can be strangers passing you on the street staring at your face in a way that makes you think maybe you’ve got a mangled opossum on your nose without realizing.

In most of my experience it’s been a quiet sort of awful. I’ve never been pursued by potential partners, I don’t get looked at or flirted with. No one has any interest in speaking with me outside of a mandated social or commercial situation. I’ve never understood it when women complain about men flirting with them or hitting on them because that’s never been my reality. I’ve always sort of wanted to tell those women to go fuck themselves, quite frankly. How lucky they are to be considered desirable when I’ve been seen as nothing more than a genderless jumble that deserves to only be noticed if I’ve got money to give or if I’m between an attractive person and wherever it is they’re headed.

My dating life has been incredibly sparse and has, with precious few exceptions, ended in me being ignored or, at least, never again contacted. I don’t earn compliments outside of the rare occasion when I’m wearing a fancy dress or crying into my hands because I feel particularly unattractive and need to express it. As a young girl, I was teased, mocked, insulted, and treated to cruel jokes at my expense by boys who realized I had a crush on them but who wanted only to see me suffer because I wasn’t good enough. I was obese for most of my life, which certainly didn’t help, but I’ve learned since losing over a hundred pounds that my weight wasn’t the problem, it’s just that I’m ugly and there’s nothing to be done about it.

It’s hard to get along in the world surrounded by attractive people, right? They literally cannot comprehend life as anything other than a person who is capable of being desired. Sure, no one is attractive to everyone, but it’s different for us than for people who at least have some potential partners. You can turn on any channel or pick through dozens of Netflix options and find some movie about some unfortunate soul who believes they aren’t worth love and respect but who ultimately get proven wrong. The world is built around those who have a chance at romance, and those of us out in the cold have to suffer without any real representation.

We have to endure people dismissing our life experiences, claiming we’re wrong, belittling our opinions, and basically telling us that every time we’ve been treated as ugly, it’s been our fault or our problem or our mistake. Surely ugliness doesn’t really exist, they think. You must just be depressed or picky or wearing the wrong color for your skin tone. They accuse us of creating this reality for ourselves as if we haven’t tried to change things for the better.

“You’ve obviously decided you’re ugly, so I can’t talk you out of it, but…”

Yes! That’s it! I was having the time of my life being waited on hand and foot by a slew of wannabe suitors and I just yelled, “Fuck it!” and changed my entire worldview to ensure that I always feel inferior! All these would-be lovers, wanting nothing more than to respect my life choice, immediately stopped offering me cash-money, gold jewelry, diamond-studded kittens, and sexual favors! It’s only out of politeness that I can’t find a date to save my life, it’s nothing to do with my nose being too big or my eyes being too close together or my face resembling a collapsed soufflé! It’s all based entirely on that one moment five years ago when I just decided to make my life miserable and lonely.

Good call, friend. I’m glad I have you here to explain how my life has really progressed.

“If you just wore a little makeup…”
“If you just dressed for your body…”
“If you just put yourself out there…”
“If you just gave dating a chance…”

If you just shoved a wad of urine-soaked cat litter in your mouth, you wouldn’t make such insulting and inflammatory suggestions. What? That sounds miserable and disappointing? I know the feeling.

As every beautiful super model who’s trying to sell you something likes to say, the world is fixated on looks. One’s level of attractiveness is extremely influential in life. It isn’t the end-all, be-all though, which is good for us puke-filled mason jars. We can still accomplish many things in life, maybe even more than those people who will set aside time to spend with spouses, children, or multiple attractive sexual partners.

Sure, you’re going to have to work harder to get noticed, but it’s best to set aside the delusion of potential coupling early so you’re not distracted or derailed by the lure of physical intimacy. As I’m sure you’ve also experienced, the more you try to date the more you will fail and the worse you will feel about yourself. Keep in mind, though, that feeling bad about yourself tends to hinder accomplishment rather than promote it. That’s not the way to live!

Come back next week for more helpful tips! Or don't, since I know I'm off-putting and you probably don't even want to be here now. I get it. Don't worry.

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