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Gratitudes: Week Two

I skipped Friday this week because of some personal stuff that came up and made it hard to think of anything to be grateful for. That's too bad since, apparently, those times are the ones where you need the gratitude boost the most! I also didn't make it Sunday, just cuz I was sick.

8 January Sunday was crappy! I got sick and it totally knocked me out for the whole day. It started as vertigo, and then turned into some weird flu and then went totally away the next day. Sooo strange.

9 January We have a whole menagerie of squirrels and crows and a stray cat we call Ghost and one bitchy seagull who come hang out in our yard and eat the snacks we put out every morning. The squirrels have gotten to trust us enough that most of them will take a peanut from our hands if we offer it! This one, however, seemed new to the yard and wasn't totally sure of my intentions. He dithered and wiggled his tail and then, with one eye on my face to see how I'd react, he slapped my thumb, prob…

Gratitudes: Week One

I've heard that you can improve your mood just by being grateful. Supposedly whole studies have been done showing that if you just sit and think for a bit about things in your life you're happy about, you can improve your whole outlook. I've been considering trying this since the Ologies podcast had a little mini-sode about it for Thanksgiving, and have decided to give it a try.

I've successfully come up with almost a whole week of gratitude, though it's short because I started January 3rd, and then was sick January 7th.

3 January
I couldn't think of much on day one.
4 January

I got a call from the vet saying that Lump's blood tests came back pretty well, so yay!

5 January
I considered beating myself up, but then went, "nah."
6 January

I got to do a 45 minute True/False test as part of a research project around the MMPI test and then I got $50 for it! Woo hoo!
Hopefully all this typing into facebook and screen-shotting helps me feel better about life,…

2018: Goals

The idea of resolutions is rather dingy and tainted with the idea that no one really follows through on them, so I'm going to try to set out some goals rather than resolutions. There are various areas of my life I'm unhappy in, or at least that I feel need work, so hopefully I can get done most of what  I set out to finish.

Every year, my friend Naomi gives the incoming year a label based on a mythological creature, aiming to structure her reactions to the year and hopefully mold her accomplishments in the image of that creature. Last month, we'd discussed calling 2018 the year of the Qilin, which I quite like. According to stories, the Qilin is a fierce looking creature that prances through the clouds and often indicates good things are coming. In one story, it rocks up to an expectant mother, barfs up a prophecy written on jade, and then prances off. That expectant mother? Confucius' mama! Qilins are vegan, completely disinterested in harming anything--unless you'…

2017 Year in Review

What a year, am I right?

2017 has been a tough year in a lot of ways, but it's definitely had its ups to distract from the downs. I traveled to two new countries, spraining my ankle in one of them. I lost a cat to cancer, and I miss her terribly, but I know it was right for her in the end and I'm deciding on a small tattoo to memorialize her. I volunteered twice a month, helped and hung out with friends often, and had my first author event, which went nowhere. I've learned basic (very basic; oh so basic) knitting, a little bit of German, and lost weight.

Every year since about 2013, I've started the year at 181lbs. Even if I could manage to lose weight there in the middle of the year I would eat my way right back up in the last few months. I was determined this year not to make it happen and I managed it! Granted, every other year I was DETERMINED not to let it happen, but this year I actually stuck to my plan.

It went in fits and starts, but each time I lost weight I …

The upside to being alone forever

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from watching Chopped, it’s that families, friends, a personal life, and a spouse are nothing more than a hindrance to success as a chef.

I’m not sure what it is about working in a kitchen that means you have to hustle 23.5 hours of every day, never sleep, never eat, disappoint your loved ones, miss your family, and get a thousand tattoos, but apparently it’s vital to the process of roasting a chicken or searing asparagus. This probably applies to other professions as well, which works out really well for us ugly people. We may have families and friends, but they all have loved ones to care for and be with, so they usually don’t want us around. That leaves basically all our time and energy for important things like career, volunteering, learning skills, and working on bettering ourselves. Without having the opportunity to be with someone we love deeply, we’re left with finding other things to fill our time.

You don’t have to go super high-falutin’ wit…

Crying into your pillow: some handy tips

Being ugly sucks. It’s not really something attractive people get, as we know. It’s lonely and it’s frustrating and it’s just hard. You see people around you living a life you know you’ll never have you just think, “What the fuck?”

Or maybe just, “Fuck!”

People around you complain about life experiences you can’t relate to and you think what a privilege it must be to get to complain about something you’ll never experience. The future you know you’re headed for is missing things that are inevitable for other people and your life is going to be harder because of it.

That sucks.

As hard as you’re working to better yourself, learn things, get fit, take care of your beloved pets, or save the world, there’s going to be that inevitable shitty day where you can’t shut your brain off when it’s determined to remind you of all the things that you can’t have. You’re gonna cry or rage or whimper. You’re going to want to chew off your own arm rather than see another commercial about a couple growin…

Online Dating: Do's and Don't's

I mean. Don’t.

Have you never tried? Do you not know the bitter taste of disappointment and rejection? Have you gone your whole life skating by being ugly without knowing for sure that no one will ever love you? Well, don’t ruin the streak now!

What are you even doing here if you don’t know the sting of being treated as the horse excrement you are? You don’t even know for sure if you’re ugly! You could just be shy! You don’t belong here, you attractive lurker. Get out! Go on, git!

Oh, my bad. You know you’re ugly, but you haven’t delved into the world of online dating and you’re curious what it’s like? You’ve been smart enough not to risk your feelings by putting your face online, but you’re still curious about the experience?

Well, let me educate you.

You start by looking through pictures of yourself. Awful, right? Already I don’t know why you’re interested in this. Having to see your own face is torture. But, that’s what you do when you’re going to get on a dating site. You could ma…