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Fantasy Halloween Bash: Part 1 - Decorations

I really love Halloween and will one day host a great party where people can show up in costume and we eat spooky food and have Monster Mash (the one by Bobby "Boris" Pickett! No substitutions!) playing in the background. Probably not on a loop, but people don't notice music at parties if it's not really loud, so maybe!

I've got a Pinterest board full of spooky pictures and ideas and I've curated (that's fancy for "grabbed some and slapped them here) some pins that I think would make for a great party. This week will be party post week, woo!

Before people even come into the house, they should be thinking HALLOWEEN PARTY! Since mind control hasn't been invented yet (that we know of!) we've got to get the idea into their heads in a less invasive manner. Making the outside of your house look festive is a must.

Ring your window with orange mini-lights and cut out or buy some silhouettes to put up against the backdrop of curtains or bli…

Online Dating: Do's and Don't's

I mean. Don’t.

Have you never tried? Do you not know the bitter taste of disappointment and rejection? Have you gone your whole life skating by being ugly without knowing for sure that no one will ever love you? Well, don’t ruin the streak now!

What are you even doing here if you don’t know the sting of being treated as the horse excrement you are? You don’t even know for sure if you’re ugly! You could just be shy! You don’t belong here, you attractive lurker. Get out! Go on, git!

Oh, my bad. You know you’re ugly, but you haven’t delved into the world of online dating and you’re curious what it’s like? You’ve been smart enough not to risk your feelings by putting your face online, but you’re still curious about the experience?

Well, let me educate you.

You start by looking through pictures of yourself. Awful, right? Already I don’t know why you’re interested in this. Having to see your own face is torture. But, that’s what you do when you’re going to get on a dating site. You could ma…

FREE book deal! Mixed Feelings

Are you ready for a great deal? Keep your clicking fingers poised then, because starting Friday, you can grab Mixed Feelings for FREE for your Kindle!

That's right, FREE! Tell your friends, your family, random strangers on the street!

This Saturday is National Dessert Day and Gwen likes nothing more than dessert, so I figure what better time than to get her out into the world?

Visit Amazon to download NOW for $4.99 if you just can't wait (or $14.99 if you want a paperback copy!) or wake up early Friday morning, hit up Amazon, and get your grubby e-paws on Gwen's first book! Then check out her other two novels and all her FREE short stories you can enjoy too, by checking out my website.

Hooray for dessert a free stuff!

So you want to get fit

So you want to get fit. Good for you! It’s extra admirable to want to get fit when you know it will never be appreciated by anyone else. Sure, fit bloggers and weight-loss gurus talk about how you should really make these life choices for yourself, but those of us who can be certain no one finds us attractive know that’s bullshit. We know normal people get fit because they feel they’re not getting enough sex and they know shedding ten or twenty pounds will exponentially increase the amount of times they’re staring at the ceiling screaming, “oh god yes,” while someone goes downtown.

It’s not hard to want to better yourself when you can be reasonably certain that looking better will be met with even more praise than you already get on a daily basis, come on.

Those of us who are pariahs and underprivileged in the ways of companionship know the real test is fighting forward in getting fit despite knowing that we will still be viewed as no more enticing than a half-rotten human finger stic…

OUT TODAY: Gut Feeling (An Empathy in the PPNW short)

It's October and I'm celebrating by giving you all a free short! Gwen and Mel are thrown together again, so naturally they bicker and then everything goes to hell.

Gut Feeling Despite how things went last time Gwen helped Mel on a case, she gives into the bribe he offers and agrees to let him drag her through miles of gravestones and gobs of mud on a freezing, stormy night. It's not for nothing, at least: Mel's been hired by a rich couple to locate their stubborn kid and drag him home, even if he kicks and screams the whole way. Mel's a werewolf, after all; he can handle a steel-toe to the gut if it comes to that. It's only after Gwen's fingers are numb and her patience is strained that she realizes Mel may not be the only dangerous creature out there among the tombstones. A cemetery, a necromancer, and the promise of a boatload of cupcakes: Gwen Arthur's about to have a very interesting Halloween.
Find Gut Feeling on Smashwords, direct download on my s…

Pets: Pros and Cons

I have four cats, though it can currently be considered that I have eight cats. My roommate has four and my four obviously still live with us, so there we go: eight cats and me, often home alone because my roommate has a swinging social life and I’m ugly. The upside to cats is that, regardless of what people say about them, you can get some real loving, snuggly cats who notice when you feel bad and want to make things better.

If you want a cat like this, the best path is to go to a shelter and specifically ask for a cat who’s over age five. Cats are basically adults once they hit five and that’s when they start to get snuggly and lovey. My oldest girl cat wanted nothing to do with cuddles or love until she hit about six and then she couldn’t get enough. She wanted to be in my face at all times, she loved giving kisses (bashing her face against mine) and, oddly, loved to be spanked.

I don’t think it means the same to me as it did to her, but she still seemed happy to have the sides of h…

Coming Soon! DPPNW #2.5: Murmur

Finn and Veruca are back! Coming September 28, you can pick up a little Romance on the Go story about a road trip gone wrong, and catch up with them before their third and final book comes out (most likely early next year; I'm plugging away at it now).

What sorts of shenanigans could Finn possibly get up to on a simple road trip, you ask? Plenty, I answer!

It was just like Finn to turn a romantic trip into a hostage situation.Veruca had intended to enjoy a fun weekend full of bawdy banter and spontaneous sex with her hot boyfriend. Now she’s racing to track down a bunch of housewives, stop them from sacrificing her man, and hopefully make nice with a demon.Finn knows something up, even though the women who nabbed him, stripped him, and tied him to a tree don’t seem to be all that bad. There’s nothing wrong with being naked and surrounded by ladies, not as far as Finn’s concerned. Still, the masks, robes, and secret forest rendezvous seem a little suspicious.It’ll work out in …

Drinking Alone

I quite enjoy drinking alone, if only because I don’t know any better. I’ve had a few drinks while out and about, but mostly I like to get sloppy by myself in my kitchen with music blasting or with some stupid TV show on. I like to put on a ridiculous movie and drink until I can’t tell what’s going on and barely remember having watched it in the morning.

I’m usually a good drunk, which not everyone can say. I get giggly and silly when I’m drunk. I argue with my cats and get vexed by my tortilla press and complain about the neighbors to no one in particular. I’ve worked the graveyard shift at a hotel for most of the last fifteen years, though, and I can definitely attest to the fact that not everyone is a good drunk. I’ve been berated, threatened, and irritated by drunks. I’ve had to save people from dying of alcohol poisoning and divert other people from vomiting onto the floor. I’ve had to clean up after people have missed the trash can or not made it to their hotel rooms. There are …